


Andrew Minyard: Tiny Gay Disaster

by gluupor



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Exy (All For The Game), Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, No Romantic Andrew/Kevin, Trans Andrew Minyard, With A Twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-03-02 18:06:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18816208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gluupor/pseuds/gluupor
Summary: Andrew is fed up with Nicky continually setting him up with guys, so he devises a plan to get him to stop: he claims he's dating Kevin. Of course, with his luck, as soon as he declares himself off the market he meets Neil. Cue the useless gay pining.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Andrew and to [R](https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualgrantaire/pseuds/actualgrantaire%22) who gave this a sensitivity read-through.
> 
> But gluupor, you might be asking, don't you already have a [super long WIP](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18339167/chapters/43415678%22) that you're working on?  
> Why, yes, dear readers, I do! And I'm still working on it, never fear. But it was brought to my attention how few fake dating fics this fandom has (even though [I've](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16938408%22) [written](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15114956/chapters/35047604%22) [a](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15116933/chapters/35051279%22) [few](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18780499/chapters/44556760%22)) and I decided to write another one. This one with a twist, in that the people who are fake dating _aren't_ the ones who fall in love.

Sunlight was streaming through Andrew’s window when he rolled out of bed, which was unsurprising since it was almost two o’clock in the afternoon. He’d only decided to attend college because it seemed like the next logical step to take in his life, but he put no thought into his major at all. Although he had ended up enjoying several classes through his first three years, he always chose them based on which ones wouldn’t make him get out of bed early, unlike Aaron with his ridiculous seven am chemistry labs.

He yawned and pulled on a shirt. It was still novel that he was able to comfortably sleep with his chest uncovered; it had only been the past summer that he’d had top surgery.

Shuffling out of his bedroom, he was momentarily distracted from his pursuit of coffee by the fact that the television was on and playing at a low volume. He spotted Kevin lounging on the couch, despite that Andrew knew for a fact that he had classes on Wednesday afternoons. Apparently he hadn’t finished wallowing from being unceremoniously dumped last weekend. Considering that the television seemed to be broadcasting a documentary in which cute animals were being devoured by predators, it seemed a safe guess.

He grunted a hello in Kevin’s direction before heading into the kitchen. The coffee machine was half-full of ice-cold coffee, causing Andrew to glare at it for several moments. When the coffee didn’t miraculously become hot and fresh he resigned himself to making a new pot; one of the only activities he could reliably do before consuming caffeine.

As he was waiting for the coffee to brew, his phone, which was on the kitchen counter and blinking a low battery warning at him, started blaring out ABBA. Clearly Nicky had somehow managed to personalize his ringtone again.

Andrew considered ignoring it, but knowing his cousin he would continue to call back until Andrew answered. He could solve that problem by turning off his phone, but then Nicky would probably drop by or start calling Kevin to make sure that Andrew was still alive. At least his phone would probably die halfway through the conversation.

“What,” he answered his phone.

“Andrew!” cried Nicky, as always sounding delighted to talk to him. “You answered my first call!”

Andrew didn’t reply, knowing that Nicky would carry this conversation with little to no input from him.

“I’m calling to remind you about my party this weekend,” continued Nicky. “You promised me that you’d come.”

Which was unfortunately true. Last August, just after Andrew’s surgery, Nicky had caught Andrew in a rare mood when he was feeling guilty for how much he dismissed and ignored his cousin and Andrew had promised to attend this particular party. He blamed the painkillers.

“Fine,” said Andrew, since he wasn’t about to break a promise, even if he had been impaired when he’d made it.

“Great!” enthused Nicky. “I’ve got someone I want you to meet—”

“No.”

“You always say no,” grumbled Nicky.

“My answer’s always no.”

“You know what? Not this time,” said Nicky. “This time _I’m_ saying no. There’s no reason for you not to at least _meet_ my friend. I’m not forcing you to date him, just to meet him. I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn; he really is perfect for you. I can't believe I haven't thought of this until now. If you can’t give me one good reason—”

“I’m seeing someone,” Andrew said, cutting Nicky off. He immediately grimaced. Making decisions before coffee never worked out well.

At his words, Kevin sat up a little on the couch; he peered over the back of it with one eyebrow raised in question. Andrew waved him off. Obviously he wasn’t seeing anyone.

Nicky was silent for several beats. “Really?” he said, completely dubious. “Are you going to tell me that you have a boyfriend in Canada?”

“No,” said Andrew, annoyed that his cousin didn’t believe his lie. “I’m dating Kevin.”

At this, Kevin sat up straight and raised both his eyebrows, his expression as judgmental as it ever got. Andrew returned the look tenfold. _You are wearing nothing but underwear and a bathrobe at two pm on a Wednesday while eating a meal of trail mix and watching penguins getting eaten by sharks_ , he hoped his expression conveyed. _You have_ no right _to judge me_.

They’d been friends long enough that Kevin got his message. He scowled and turned back to the television.

Nicky was silent for even longer this time, and when he spoke again sounded even more disbelieving. “Kevin?” he said. “Kevin _Day_?”

“Yes,” said Andrew, deciding to double down even though Nicky was suspicious. As long as it kept him from being set up with anyone then he was willing to pretend that he was attracted to Kevin, as unlikely as that was. He spared a glance over at him: Kevin was over-empathizing with a penguin that had just fallen on its face.

“I thought he was dating that girl, what’s-her-name?”

Andrew certainly didn’t know her name. He hadn’t bothered learning any of the names of the string of Kevin’s minute-long relationships that he’d been having ever since he’d been left by his long-term boyfriend. “They broke up when we realized that we’ve been ignoring our feelings for each other for years,” said Andrew.

That statement brought Kevin’s judgmental glare out again, which: fair. There was no graceful way out of this anymore. He definitely shouldn’t have answered the phone before he’d consumed any coffee.

“Well, I’m happy for you if you’re happy,” said Nicky doubtfully. “I’ll see the both of you at my party on Saturday, right?”

“Fine,” said Andrew and hung up.

Kevin draped his arms over the back of the couch.

“Shut up,” said Andrew, turning away and pouring a mug of coffee before Kevin could say anything.

Kevin watched as he added an ungodly amount of sugar and cream to his coffee before he said anything, knowing from their long association better than to speak to Andrew before he did so.

“Were you planning on telling me that we’re dating?” he asked, when Andrew settled on the couch beside him.

“Shh, I’m watching the sharks,” said Andrew, gesturing with his mug to the television.

“I’d rather discuss how you decided to date me without my knowledge.”

Andrew sighed, knowing that Kevin wasn’t about to drop it. “Just for a couple weeks, to get Nicky off my back, alright?” he bargained. “We’ll go to his party, act the exact same as we always do because nobody’s expecting me to suddenly be affectionate, and in a few weeks I’ll tell him that it didn’t work out.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Actually, this is a great idea,” he said, warming to it.

“Is it,” said Kevin dryly.

“I can milk this for years,” said Andrew. “Every time that Nicky tries to set me up from now until infinity I can tell him that I’m not over you yet.”

Kevin snorted. “He’s not going to believe you.”

“He was a little skeptical,” Andrew allowed. “It’s a little insulting, isn’t it? We could be in love.”

“Could we, though?” asked Kevin, squinting.

They had kissed exactly once, not from passion but from practicality. Kevin was hot enough, Andrew had reasoned. Although his personality precluded them being in an actual relationship, they could get off together, couldn’t they? Their single kiss had lasted for four seconds before they pushed each other away and wiped their mouths.

“Nope, no, no way,” Kevin had said, before gargling with vodka, which had been a little insulting. Not that Andrew had enjoyed it any more than Kevin had. He’d never had occasion to kiss Aaron but he assumed that the experience would be similar.

Andrew ignored Kevin’s valid argument. “Or at least lust,” he said, speaking as if Kevin hadn’t.

Kevin shrugged and gave up protesting. “Fine, I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend.” He gave Andrew a side-eye and a shit-eating grin. “As long as you promise not to fall in love with me.”

Andrew looked pointedly at where Kevin had a food stain on his robe. “I’ll manage,” he deadpanned.

“And you owe me one,” continued Kevin, pushing his luck.

“You still owe me for listening to you whine about your latest failed relationship.”

“You’re not supposed to mention—”

“Relax,” said Andrew. “I’m talking about Peppy Girl Who Dumped You On Sunday because you’re still not over—” He caught himself. “He Who Must Not Be Named.”

“Listening to me complain about dating is the basic definition of friendship. It is the absolute minimum requirement.”

“As is pretending to date me so my cousin will stop trying to set me up with people.”

“Why don’t you just let him?” inquired Kevin. “He’s eager to please and fairly thoughtful under all the glitter. He’s probably the person who would do the best job setting you up.”

“Not all of us are as desperate as you are.”

“Hey!” said Kevin, momentarily offended before slumping back. “Yeah, okay,” he sulked.

They lapsed into silence, Andrew drinking his coffee while watching the documentary.

“That’s me,” said Kevin sadly, as a great white shark ate an unsuspecting seal.

“Same,” said Andrew.

* * *

They arrived late to Nicky’s party. It had taken more time than it should have for Andrew to convince Kevin that they didn’t have to be exactly on time. Kevin had some kind of strange compunction that made him arrive ten minutes early to every event he attended, including lectures and parties. He was so embarrassing that Andrew had no idea why he hadn’t ditched him years ago.

Andrew didn’t bother to knock, given that an astronaut, a cat, and Batman were all lounging on the porch. God, he hated Hallowe’en. He, of course, had not worn a costume; Kevin had put on an eye-patch that he had lying around from when he’d accidentally scratched his eye with a drinking straw and called himself a pirate.

It took approximately 2.8 seconds after entering the party before Andrew felt overwhelmed by the number of people and immediately began looking for a way out. He pushed his way into the kitchen, stopping to make a drink, and then through the patio doors to the backyard. It was much quieter out here; he snagged a seat at the corner of the deck and then noticed that Kevin hadn’t followed him.

He shrugged, not caring, and lit a cigarette. Kevin was sure to have seen where Andrew had gone; he’d likely gotten distracted by someone he knew. Kevin actually _socialized_ when they came to these things. Andrew resigned himself to a couple hours of sitting quietly alone (which was his favourite pastime; he wasn’t complaining) before tracking down Nicky to prove that he’d come and then finding Kevin and dragging him back to their apartment. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about Kevin being sloppily drunk like in the past; he’d cut back his drinking significantly ever since his borderline alcoholism had been one of the reasons that the love of his life had left him.

“Hey, honey,” slurred someone close by. “Why aren’t you wearing a costume?” Andrew reluctantly looked over; he usually ignored drunken idiots but sometimes they became violent when he did. He wanted to be ready to defend himself if needed. To his surprise, the drunk man wasn’t talking to him, he was leering at a short man that Andrew didn’t recognize.

Andrew was sure that he’d remember if he’d seen him before, he was beautiful. He had auburn hair that curled around his ears, sharp cheekbones with a smattering of freckles across them, and bright, intelligent blue eyes.

He ducked out from under the drunk guy’s attempt to wrap an arm around him. “I am,” he said, gesturing at his clothes: a worn t-shirt that had some sports team’s logo on it (Andrew was not a sports gay and therefore knew zero sports logos) and dark jeans that were too baggy and ripped from wear, not for fashion.

“As a fashion faux pas?” asked Andrew, surprising himself by speaking. He rarely engaged with people he didn’t know.

The two men stopped and turned to look at him; he wasn’t sure that either of them had known he was close enough to hear their conversation. The drunk man sneered, but the pretty redhead smiled in amusement.

“You don’t like my clothes?” he asked.

“You could do better,” said Andrew, flicking a dismissive glance at the drunkard to make his double meaning clear.

The man’s grin widened. “Do you have any suggestions?”

“I might.”

“Hey!” said the drunk man, noticing that neither of them were paying attention to him.

“Oh, fuck off,” said the redhead, pushing him away.

He stumbled, then glared and planted his feet. Andrew could see a confrontation coming. He knew he should stay out of it, but instead he found himself on his feet next to the redhead, holding a knife out. He let the porch lights glint off the blade.

The drunk man blinked a couple times, then clearly decided not to engage. He staggered away, muttering about assholes.

“Hey, you guessed my costume!” the redhead called after him. “I could have handled that,” he said, turning to Andrew.

“I get the feeling that you start more fights than you finish.”

“Fair. I’m Neil.”

“Andrew.”

“You always carry a knife to a Hallowe’en party?”

“Comes in handy when assholes get handsy.”

“I’ll give you that,” said Neil. “Sorry for interrupting your smoke break. I didn’t know he was following me when I came over here.”

Andrew shrugged, and took his seat again. Neil hovered indecisively until Andrew indicated that he could sit. He liked how Neil didn’t assume that Andrew wanted him here, that he waited for an explicit invitation.

“Why were you coming over here?” he asked. He knew that he was looking good tonight, his shirt flattering his impressive shoulders and biceps. He couldn’t believe he was fishing for a compliment.

“You’re smoking,” said Neil, looking a little sheepish. “I was going to hover nearby like a creep. I like the smell.”

Andrew levelled him with a look. “You like the smell of second-hand smoke?” he asked. He was a smoker and even he didn’t like the smell of smoke. Sure, he was addicted to the nicotine, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t aware how many people were repulsed by the odour.

Neil shrugged one shoulder. “Reminds me of someone.” His tone did not invite further questions, not that Andrew was one to pry, usually. Therefore, it was a little strange that he wanted to, wanted to crack open this boy and get his secrets to spill out. It had been a while since he was this attracted to someone as soon as he met them; maybe ever. It was a new feeling, like a balloon had expanded in his chest. He thought perhaps that he liked it.

“So you dressed as an asshole for Hallowe’en,” he said instead, changing the subject.

“I tried to claim I was dressed as a college student, but my roommate said that calling myself an asshole was more accurate. Then he tried to convince me to dress as a zombie cowboy and accused me of not liking fun, which is more or less true.”

“You need a better roommate,” drawled Andrew.

“Nah, he’s okay,” said Neil. “What’s your excuse for the lack of costume? Too lazy for words or fun sponge?”

“Are those my only two options?”

“Apparently those are the only types of people who don’t dress up for a costume party. I’m guessing fun sponge because you’re sitting by yourself in silence.”

“You could leave,” said Andrew, feeling a little defensive.

“Hey, no,” said Neil, holding up his hands. “I wasn’t criticizing. This is my idea of a party.”

They chatted for a bit, mostly inconsequentially, but Andrew found Neil holding his interest. Usually by now he would have gotten bored of anyone trying to talk to him, but he was participating and even prolonging the conversation by his own volition. He was even flirting and was pretty sure that Neil was flirting back. He casually dropped that he was trans into the conversation. There was no reason to get hopeful if Neil was a secret transphobe. Neil just took the fact in stride and thanked Andrew for telling him.

He’d just made up his mind to ask Neil for his number when Kevin crashed into their peaceful bubble. His eyes were wide and frantic and he looked nauseated. His dark skin tone meant he was never really pale, but he was more or less ashen. “Andrew,” he said. “ _There_ you are.” His eyes flicked to Neil. “Oh, Neil. Hi.”

“Hey, Kevin,” replied Neil easily. “What’s wrong?”

Andrew tried to send Kevin a look that demanded, _how do you know this gorgeous person and why have you never mentioned it before?_ but Kevin was too absorbed in whatever issue he was having. His expression was quite familiar to Andrew: it meant, _I have just done something very stupid; save me from myself_.

“Jean’s here,” said Kevin.

“Oh, right,” said Neil, face clearing in realization. “With Jeremy.” Andrew elbowed him and tried to look inquisitive. Neil seemed to get the message. “Knox,” he said. “His new boyfriend.”

Oh, that was just great. Jean Moreau, the love of Kevin’s life, was currently dating Jeremy Knox, the guy Kevin’d had a crush on since middle school. Andrew wondered how badly Kevin had reacted when he found out. The options ranged from tearfully asking Jean to take him back to outright propositioning Jeremy.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Jean asked how I was doing and I said I was great, ha ha.”

Neil winced. “Did you actually _say_ ‘ha ha’ instead of laughing?” he asked, sounding pained.

“I did the best I could, _Neil_ ,” snapped Kevin.

Neil held out a hand placatingly. “I’m sure you did.”

“What did the Dark Lord say to that?” asked Andrew. He actually liked Jean and knew that his break up with Kevin had probably been for the best since Kevin had adopted several healthier habits after it had happened, but Andrew was Kevin’s best friend. It was his job to hate his ex, even when Kevin couldn’t.

“He asked if I was seeing anyone,” said Kevin. “I told him I was. Then I ran away.”

Andrew’s brain hiccuped. He used all his willpower to telepathically communicate to Kevin that he was under no circumstances to mention that _Andrew_ was the one he was supposedly seeing. He liked Neil. He didn’t want him to think that he was dating Kevin. He didn’t want to see the interest drain out of his eyes when he realized that Andrew was taken or, even worse, that it wouldn't. Andrew had a thing for loyalty and he liked people who shared his values. People who were a-ok with cheating were not for him.

Kevin possibly noticed that Andrew was into Neil, because he didn’t elaborate. Andrew breathed out in relief at the near miss.

“Andrew!” called Nicky’s voice. “ _There_ you are! I knew you had to be here because I saw Kevin, but I couldn’t find you!”

Andrew looked up at his cousin reluctantly. “Hi, Nicky.”

“Hey, Nicky,” added Neil.

“Oh, Neil, I didn’t see you there!” said Nicky brightly.

Andrew frowned. Did everyone in his life know Neil and hadn’t bothered to introduce him? He paused for a second at his hypocrisy before he cottoned on to the way Nicky was looking between him and Neil with satisfaction. He had a sudden suspicion about who Nicky had been planning on setting him up with.

His suspicions were confirmed when Nicky kept speaking, “Neil, this is who I was going to introduce you to before I found out that he’s dating Kevin!”

Time seemed to slow down. Neil’s expression fell for a blink-and-you-miss-it moment, before he smiled again. It looked looking slightly off.

“You know I don’t want to be set up with anybody,” he complained.

Nicky started prattling on about other people he could introduce to Neil. Andrew tuned him out and watched Neil’s reaction. He looked almost normal, only he was completely avoiding looking in Andrew’s direction.

 _This can be fixed_ , he told himself. _I’ll just wait for Nicky to go away and explain to Neil that, ha ha, I_ also _don’t like getting set up, so I pretended I was already dating someone. We’ll tell the story to many laughs at our wedding_.

His reverie was interrupted by Kevin grabbing his hand. His instinct was to pry his hand loose of Kevin’s clammy grip, but the near-panicked look on his face stopped him.

“Kevin, why did you leave so quickly? I wanted to talk to you about something,” said Jean walking up, trailed by Jeremy. His eyes snapped to where Kevin was holding Andrew’s hand in a death grip. He swallowed and met Andrew’s eyes. “Andrew, hello,” he said, looking like he’d bitten into something sour.

Andrew leaned back and raised an eyebrow. Jean had no right to act proprietorially around Kevin when he was parading a new boyfriend around.

“Moreau,” he said, trying to sound as bitchy as possible.

“So,” said Jean, his tone noticeably colder, “the two of you…?”

“Yeah!” choked out Kevin, nodding vigorously. “Yes. Uh huh. Yup. Us two. We’re very happy together.”

There was an awkward silence.

“Well, that’s great!” said Jeremy enthusiastically. “Isn’t it, babe?” He added, elbowing Jean. Kevin’s grip tightened momentarily at the pet name.

“Yes,” said Jean, sounding like he was forcing the word out. “I can’t say that I _expected_ the two of you to—”

“Well, we did,” said Andrew, sending Jean a challenging look. He had _left_ Kevin. Sure, he had his reasons, but Andrew’s job was to protect Kevin, whether from his own bad ideas or from his ex. “I don’t know why we didn’t get together sooner; it’s not like either of us has ever been in a serious, meaningful relationship before.”

Kevin squeezed his hand in warning.

Jean faltered slightly. “Is that true, Kevin?” he asked.

Kevin looked like he wanted to die. “Of course it is. I don’t know why I didn’t see what was right in front of me.”

“Right,” said Jean, looking lost. “Right.”

“We should double date sometime!” said Jeremy, completely immune to the thick tension.

Andrew stared at him. That sounded like the worst idea that had ever been thought up in the history of time.

“That sounds great!” said Kevin, now holding Andrew’s hand so tightly that he wasn’t going to get the feeling back in it any time soon. “We’d be happy to!”

“I’ll call you soon to arrange it,” said Jean, looking forlorn as he turned to leave.

“Alright, see you soon!” said Kevin, falsely cheerful. Once Jean was gone, he turned to Andrew in a panic. “What did I even say?” he moaned. “I can’t remember anything I said! I just opened my mouth and words came out.”

“Well, that was super awkward,” commented Neil.

Andrew started. He’d forgotten that Neil was even there. He replayed the last few minutes in his head. He suspected that he’d lost the window where he could tell Neil that he wasn’t actually dating Kevin.

“Neil,” he started, not sure how to explain.

“I should get going,” said Neil, standing up. “I’ve got to find my roommate before he calls the cops because I’ve been missing for too long.” Andrew watched helplessly as he left without once looking back in Andrew’s direction.

Kevin slumped on the edge of the deck next to Andrew, looking completely frazzled. “That was not the greatest,” he said.

Andrew just shook his head, wondering how everything had come crashing down so quickly. Less than twenty minutes ago he’d been contentedly flirting with a cute boy.

“What are you thinking?” asked Kevin. “You have that scary blank look on your face.”

“I should never make decisions before I’ve had coffee,” said Andrew.


	2. Chapter 2

When they got home from the party, Kevin was still shaken by the encounter with Jean. Andrew decided to leave him alone until the following morning to interrogate him.

“How do you know Neil?” he asked, as soon as Kevin dragged himself, blinking blearily and shuffling, out of bed.

“It’s 6 am, Andrew, what the fuck?” he said, taking a seat.

“Okay, a) it’s 10:30 in the morning, don’t be a drama queen,” corrected Andrew, “b) you’re not hungover, and c) we got home before midnight so you didn’t even go to bed later than usual.”

Kevin made a sound like a dying whale and collapsed on their kitchen table. Andrew poured him a mug of coffee and repeatedly nudged him with it until he sat up, glaring, to drink it.

“Now,” said Andrew, satisfied that his friend responsibilities were taken care of, “how do you know Neil?”

Kevin yawned. “How do you not? He’s been my workout buddy for ages.”

“Wait, _he’s_ the weirdo who likes running?”

“I’ve told you about him more than once.”

Andrew squinted in thought. His memory might be near-perfect but he couldn’t remember things that he actively tuned out and Kevin talking about exercise was one of those things. He shook his head.

Kevin sighed deeply, as if Andrew had just betrayed him. “He’s also Matt Boyd’s roommate.”

“He’s Boyd’s cryptid roommate? Renee talks about him sometimes. Is it true that he got banned from the campus debate team for being too argumentative?”

“That’s him. I’ve known him forever; we lived next door to each other for a while when we were kids, back when my mom and I still lived in Virginia,” said Kevin. “I can’t believe you don’t know him. He’s the one who introduced me to Jean back in first year. They’re cousins.”

“Oh,” said Andrew, letting himself fall into the chair across from Kevin. “If he’s Jean’s cousin that means I can’t tell him that you and I aren’t really dating.”

Kevin’s eyes went frantic. “You _absolutely_ can’t tell him, Andrew!” he said, his voice veering into falsetto territory. “It’s bad enough that I completely panicked; Jean can _not_ know I lied about dating you, okay? I’ll never recover from the shame.”

Andrew thunked his head onto the table. “You think you’d be used to shame by now,” he muttered. “You’re actually planning for us to go on that double date, aren’t you?”

“You’ll be my fake boyfriend, won’t you?” asked Kevin beseechingly. “We’ll pretend to date for a couple weeks, just like you planned.”

“But I don’t want to anymore.” Andrew was aware that he was whining.

“Andrew…” said Kevin, clearly stuck on how to beg him without saying ‘please’. “When our positions were reversed, I agreed to do it for you!”

“I know, I know,” said Andrew, waving him off. “I committed myself last night, didn’t I? But you have to promise that you won’t make any comments about my diet for at least six weeks.”

“You had _pie_ for dinner last week, how am I supposed to keep quiet about that?”

“Those are my terms. You can only be my fake boyfriend if you’re not judging what I’m eating.”

“No one’s going to believe that.”

“Just pretend that you’re so enamoured with me that you can’t see any of my flaws.”

“Yeah, all I need is a blindspot the literal size of the fucking sun,” muttered Kevin.

“Hey, I am way out of your league and it’s time you accepted that.”

“Jesus Christ,” said Kevin, rubbing his forehead. “This is the stupidest thing we’ve ever done.”

“Me, yes,” said Andrew. “You once willingly slept with a man nicknamed Gorilla.”

* * *

Andrew had a standing Sunday brunch with his twin brother. Aaron lived in the dorms on campus because he got free room and board as an RA. Andrew enjoyed this for the schadenfreude: he had to imagine that neither Aaron nor his snot-nosed kindergarteners (or freshmen, same difference) really benefited from this situation. The former because he was forced to deal with the inane problems and drunken revels of spoiled children who were out of their parents’ houses for the first time, and the latter because they were stuck with the least engaged and apathetic RA of all time who clearly hated them all.

Aaron's meal plan allowed him to bring one guest to the cafeteria each week and their Sunday brunch fare wasn't half bad (and free, which was the most important qualifier to a strapped-for-cash college senior).

After interrogating Kevin, Andrew made his way to campus, gazing longingly at the cars he passed on his route. As soon as he got any money, he was going to blow it all on an expensive car. Kevin was very critical of this plan, pointing out that cars were not a one-time expense. Expensive cars only took premium gas and their parts and maintenance were extremely expensive and had to be imported. On top of that, repairs and maintenance often had to be performed by specialists not by any old Joe with a garage. Andrew always ignored Kevin whenever he started that particular rant; he was going to get a black, shiny beast of a car, even if it bankrupted him. He'd thought about purchasing one with his half of his mother's life insurance payout after she died in a car accident last year, but instead he'd opted for top surgery since it was not covered by his health insurance.

Once he arrived on campus, he got all the way to Aaron’s room without being stopped. In fact, one of the horrid children (so fresh-faced and innocent, ugh) had let Andrew into the building, mistaking him for Aaron. He barged into Aaron’s room and dramatically flopped onto his bed.

Aaron half-turned from where he was working on his laptop at his desk. “How’d you get in here?”

“One of your tinies let me in and scurried away in fear. Excellent job terrifying them all; I approve.”

Aaron rolled his eyes and turned back to his computer. He was sitting stiffly in a way that was familiar. Andrew narrowed his eyes. “How long have you been wearing your binder?”

Aaron didn’t look at him. “I was up most of the night studying; I lost track of time. I’ll take it off after I get back from brunch.”

Andrew gave the back of his head a suspicious look.

“I will,” promised Aaron. “Anyway, what’s the reason for your dramatic entrance?”

Andrew let him get away with the subject change. “I’m going to be single forever.”

“That’s weird,” said Aaron, spinning his chair to face Andrew again. “Since Nicky told me you’re dating Kevin.”

Andrew groaned and buried his head in Aaron’s pillow. “Nicky was trying to set me up with someone again.”

“So you decided to say you’re dating _Kevin_? Instead of literally anyone else?”

“I was caught off guard.” It wasn’t like he was proud of himself.

“Why didn’t you just say that you were dating someone Nicky doesn’t know and that you weren’t at the stage to introduce him to your family yet?”

“I’ve used that excuse four times. Nicky doesn’t believe me anymore.”

“He might start believing you if you stopped lying to him all the time.”

“That’s rich. Why weren’t you at his party yesterday?”

“I have an assignment due.”

“Convenient that they’re always due right when Nicky has a party.”

“We’re not talking about my lies; we’re talking about yours,” said Aaron loftily. “And how you’re tragically single. Which you’ve never minded before…?”

“I met a guy,” said Andrew, avoiding eye contact.

“Oh,” said Aaron in surprise. “A real one?”

“ _Yes_ ,” said Andrew testily. “But he thinks I’m dating Kevin.”

“Have you always been this ridiculous under your bored exterior and I just didn’t notice?”

“We spent years not speaking with each other,” Andrew reminded him. They hadn’t met until they were thirteen when Andrew had gone to live with Aaron and their mother. At the time Andrew already knew he was trans but Aaron hadn’t figured himself out yet; his internalized transphobia made things tense between them until Aaron had come out during their freshman year of college. Andrew didn’t like alluding to that time, so he quickly moved on. “Also, I’m usually standing near Kevin.”

“Right,” chuckled Aaron. “No one can see the candle flame of your issues next to his raging dumpster fire.” He raised an eyebrow. “Who is this guy that caught your interest, anyway?”

“His name’s Neil. Apparently he lives with Matt Boyd?”

“Wait, Neil Josten? Mouthy redhead?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” griped Andrew, sitting up to stare at his brother. “ _You_ know him?”

Aaron shrugged. “Sure, we had calc together sophomore year. He’s alright; a bit of an asshole.” His face turned contemplative. “Yeah, I can see that he’s your type.”

“Honestly, I think everyone I know is friends with him. How have I never heard of him before?” He was secretly relieved. It was promising that Neil was friends with all his friends. He had learned that queers flocked together so the likelihood of Neil having the potential to reciprocate his interest was high. Although it didn’t matter since Neil thought he was dating Kevin. Dammit.

 “I’m sure Nicky and I have mentioned him in passing,” said Aaron. “Your interest level is different when we’re talking about a stranger you don’t know as opposed to a hot guy you want to blow.” He appeared proud of his impromptu rhyme.

Andrew gave him a dirty look. “I can’t believe that you never introduced me to him,” he said.

Aaron raised an eyebrow incredulously. “Sure. I’ll start setting you up with people. Isn’t that how you ended up fake dating Kevin in the first place?”

Andrew buried his face in his hands and whimpered.

“There, there,” said Aaron dryly.

* * *

After brunch, Andrew checked his phone. He had several messages from Nicky, which he ignored, a couple from Kevin, which he skimmed to make sure weren’t important, and one from Renee. She was confirming their sparring session that afternoon. Andrew texted back to let her know that he was planning on being there. He rarely missed meeting up with Renee: she was the only other trans person he knew, other than Aaron. Although he and his twin had gotten better at communicating as they grew out of adolescence, Andrew still didn’t feel comfortable opening up to him about things that made him feel vulnerable. Renee understood him in a way that most other people didn’t and, as an added bonus, gave him free self-defense lessons.

He definitely wasn’t about to miss today’s sparring session: he was in the mood to punch something.

They never spoke much before or during their fights but afterwards, when they were cooling down and stretching, they caught each other up on what was going on in their lives.

“Any news?” asked Renee, sliding her eyes toward him. She was pretending at innocence and virtuosity, which was never a good sign.

Andrew studied her. “You heard I’m dating Kevin,” he guessed. He wasn’t going to tell her that they weren’t really dating. She might be trustworthy, but she was also close friends with Jean. The best way for a secret to remain a secret was not to reveal it to anyone and he'd already told Aaron.

“You told Nicky,” she pointed out. “I think he told everyone he spoke to at his party.”

“Were you there?” he asked. “I didn’t see you.”

“Didn’t you spend the whole time hiding in the backyard?”

“I’m sure you were busy with your multitude of girlfriends.”

“Two is not a multitude,” said Renee, smiling. “It’s a perfectly acceptable number. Speaking of…”

“Oh, no.”

“I’m meeting them for a drink after this. Do you want to come?”

“On a date with you and your girlfriends? Pass.”

“It’s not a date,” she laughed. “Dan and Matt are going to be there. Probably Laila and Al, too.”

Andrew shrugged. “Sure,” he said. He hadn’t seen any of those people in a while. He didn’t mind sitting silently in a group with them and letting their conversation wash over him. They all knew better than to expect him to join in.

Renee cocked her head. “Really?” She usually invited him out with her following sparring sessions and he always declined.

Andrew just shrugged again. Truthfully, he was feeling a little irritated about the fact that all of his friends and friends-of-friends seemed to know Neil. What else was he missing out on by refusing to ever do anything or go anywhere?

“You okay?” asked Renee, thoughtfully. She was attuned to anything that was bothering him.

“You just caught me at a good time,” he said, which was a half-truth.

Renee dropped it and they parted ways so they could each go home and shower. The gym had individual stalls, but Andrew never felt comfortable showering in a public place.

Kevin wasn’t at their apartment when Andrew got back as he usually went to his father’s place for Sunday night dinners. Andrew often tagged along for the free food (Sunday was often a good day food-wise for him). He wondered if Kevin was pouring out all his woes to his father and step-mother about what had happened with Jean the night before. Andrew hoped so; they were the only people with any sense that Kevin would listen to. Usually he would put himself in that category but since he was the one who had initiated the fake dating he was firmly in his own mental doghouse reserved for those with bad ideas.

He dressed quickly and headed out before he could talk himself into staying home in comfortable clothing and watching television by himself in the quiet, which sounded like the best idea he’d had lately.

He hadn’t been lying to Aaron when he complained about still being single; he’d just never found someone who wouldn’t take a lot of effort to date. Someone who wouldn’t mind staying in or spending a lot of time in silence or someone who would understand Andrew’s need for space and solitude. Someone whose presence didn’t grate on Andrew’s nerves. Someone who was basically a pipe dream. He had tried to find someone in his first few years of college but had recently all but given up on ever meeting someone compatible. Sure, he was annoyed that his… crush (for lack of a better word) on Neil wasn’t going to go anywhere, but even if he were free to pursue him he figured it wouldn’t last long. No one was able to keep Andrew’s interest and respect both him and his boundaries in the long term. 

Heading out, he grabbed his leather jacket. He might as well look as hot as possible if he was forcing himself to go out. Renee was already at the bar when he arrived. She’d snagged a table with Allison and Thea, her girlfriends. He caught sight of Matt and Dan over at the pool tables, facing off against Nicky and his boyfriend Erik.

He waved to Renee, then pointed to the bar to indicate where he was headed. It was more crowded than expected for a Sunday evening, probably because it was the day before Hallowe’en. Andrew hadn’t taken into account how many people would be out pre-celebrating the holiday. His height made it easy for him to get lost in a crowd, but judiciously applied elbows to people’s kidneys let him push his way to the front of the line. The last guy he shoved past shoved him back. He stumbled a couple steps and knocked into someone else.

Andrew wasn’t about to apologize until the person he’d been pushed into turned around and he found himself looking into familiar blue eyes.

“Andrew,” said Neil, blinking in surprise. “I didn’t realize we were at the stage of friendship where we greet each other with a tackle.”

“Asshole pushed me.” He could feel himself blushing, which was embarrassing. Stupid genetics. The tips of his ears were probably turning red.

Neil aimed a glare past Andrew’s head. He reminded Andrew of a very angry shih tzu his neighbour had once had that used to growl and bark at everything that passed its yard, even if what was passing was a hundred times bigger than it was. Andrew reluctantly found him adorable.

“Drink?” asked Andrew.

Neil wordlessly held up his full glass; Andrew nodded and turned back to the bar to flag down a bartender.

“I’ll have what he’s having,” he said, nodding over to Neil.

“You might not want—”

The bartender looked distinctly unimpressed but he turned to prepare the drink immediately. Andrew took it from him and took a sip. He coughed and turned slowly to stare at Neil.

“This is plain tonic water,” he said.

“I did try to warn you,” replied Neil.

“I mean,” said Andrew, grimacing down into his glass. “Really?”

Neil huffed. “I know it’s basically a cardinal sin to be a college student who doesn’t drink, but—”

“No,” interrupted Andrew. “It’s not that. I don’t drink much, myself.” Between how consistently broke he was, being supportive of Kevin’s recent sobriety, and how alcohol adversely interacted with his antidepressants, Andrew wasn’t a big drinker himself, not since high school (also, getting a good therapist through the campus Health Centre had helped him learn better coping mechanisms). “It’s just… this is definitely not sweet enough.”

Neil shook his head and relieved Andrew of his drink. He waved the bartender over again to place another order. “A Shirley Temple for his royal highness,” he said in a fake (thank God it was fake; if it had been real Andrew would have gone to his knees right then and there) British accent.

Andrew knew that Neil was making fun of him, but he approved of the drink choice. “Extra grenadine,” he added.

Neil gave him a Look.

Andrew shrugged one shoulder. “I like sweet things,” he said.

“Then what are you doing with Kevin?” retorted Neil. As soon as he’d spoken, he made a face like he’d swallowed his tongue.

“Salty things, too,” said Andrew without missing a beat. He wasn’t about to deny he was dating Kevin (he had promised) but he also didn’t have to confirm it, either.

He took his new drink (which had a maraschino cherry on a little plastic sword, score), and nodded to a couple of stools farther down the bar that had just been vacated. Neil hopped on one of them, leaving the other to Andrew.

“Why are you here, anyway?” asked Andrew. “Renee says you’re basically a shut-in and this is your second social event in two days.”

“Pot, kettle,” said Neil. “I didn’t know you knew that Renee knows me.”

“I asked,” said Andrew; he then took a swallow of his drink to cover up his grimace. He probably shouldn’t have admitted that.

Neil’s face did something complicated. “Did you?”

“I found it odd that you clearly knew all the same people that I did,” covered Andrew. “Including my identical twin brother, so I have to assume that you knew who I was.”

“I did think you were Aaron before you spoke,” admitted Neil, “but I had no idea that you were the one Nicky was trying to set me up with. Speaking of, do you know any way that I can get him to stop doing that?”

“If you figure it out, let me know,” said Andrew. If he’d known how, he wouldn’t be in this mess with Kevin in the first place. “If you’re not into guys you should tell him. Forcefully.” _Smooth fishing, me,_ he thought.

“That’s not it,” said Neil, scrubbing a hand through his hair. His curls bounced back from his assault, but they were now tousled in a way that made Andrew’s mouth go dry. He tried not to think of his own hands making Neil’s hair look like that. “It’s that I’m kinda into nobody? But also potentially everybody? Set ups rarely work well.”

Andrew tried to parse what Neil was saying. “What do you mean?”

“I’m a panromantic demisexual,” said Neil. “Nicky seems to have taken this to mean that I’m actually just a repressed gay and should be set up with as many men as possible until one sticks.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. He’d had more than one talk about Nicky’s careless comments. It had taken him a while to hammer into Nicky’s head that just because he was gay didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of being prejudiced. As a biracial (his father had been Korean), trans, gay man, Andrew had experienced more than his fair share of bigotry from other gay men.

He took a bigger swallow of his drink, enjoying the cloying sweetness. “I don’t know what to tell you,” he said. “The only thing that’s ever stopped him from setting me up was being in a relationship.”

“Great,” drawled Neil. “I’m looking forward to his numerous upcoming attempts.”

“You could probably ignore him. You’re not related to him.”

“True,” said Neil, thoughtfully, “but Matt and Dan keep making sad puppy faces at me because they think I’m going to die alone, so I may as well keep trying to find someone to make them happy.” He shook himself. “Anyway, let’s talk about something else.”

“Zombies are invading campus,” said Andrew. “You have five minutes to make and execute a plan. Go.”

Neil grinned. “Fast zombies or slow zombies?”

“Fast zombies are stupid.”

“No way! They’re clearly far superior,” replied Neil, his eyes glittering with mischief.

Andrew settled in for a debate.

He had no idea how long they'd been talking before Matt was suddenly between them, draping an arm around Neil’s shoulders.

“Neil!” he said jovially. “You’re still here! I figured you’d snuck out early without telling anyone.”

“Would I do that?” asked Neil. He looked at Matt fondly, a small smile on his face. For some reason the smile made Andrew ache.

“Yes,” said Matt, raising his eyebrows. “You _have_ done that. More than once.”

“And you called the police.”

“You could have been kidnapped!”

“We’re not in a mafia movie, Matt,” said Neil. “I’m not going to be kidnapped.”

“You _could_ ,” said Matt petulantly. “Anyway, what are you guys talking about? Oh, wait, Andrew! I’ve been meaning to tell you: I have the newest issue of West Coast Avengers, if you want to borrow it.”

Andrew cut his eyes to Neil, who was looking unaccountably gleeful.

“Are you a closet nerd, Andrew?” he asked slyly.

“It’s been a long time since I was in the closet,” replied Andrew, his tone slightly warmer than usual. He could feel his lips curve slightly upward.

Matt looked back and forth between them, puzzled.

“Yes, I’d like to borrow it,” said Andrew quickly, to stop Matt from putting two and two together to make: awkward crush. Especially since Andrew was supposed to be dating someone else.

“Great!” said Matt, instantly diverted. “Text me when you’re free to come by.”

Andrew nodded once. “I should get back to Renee,” he said.

“Alright, see you around,” said Matt amiably, giving Neil a noogie before dragging him off his stool. “You’re playing pool with me now; you promised.”

Andrew made his way across the room and slid into the booth that Renee and the other women had claimed. Laila and Al had showed up to join them in his absence.

“Are you still here?” asked Renee in surprise and he settled beside her. “I haven’t seen you for hours. I assumed the crowd was too much.”

“It hasn’t been hours,” argued Andrew. “I ran into Neil at the bar.”

Renee cocked her head. “I haven’t seen you since you got here… _three hours_ ago.”

“It wasn’t…” said Andrew, trailing off when he checked the time on his phone. Apparently, yes, he’d been talking to Neil for three hours, although it had not seemed nearly that long.

Renee’s eyes were knowing.

Andrew shook his head at her silently, asking her not to say anything. _Fuck_ , he thought. This was going to be a bigger problem than he’d anticipated.


	3. Chapter 3

As always seemed to happen, a trickle became a flood in short order. Andrew, certain that he’d never seen Neil before the moment he’d laid eyes on him in Nicky’s backyard, suddenly saw him everywhere.

On Monday, he ran into him at his favourite coffee shop (which had earned his love with delicious baked goods despite its punny name). Andrew was stopping by for his usual sugar-and-milk concoction before class (he’d already had three cups of coffee at home, but he needed to extra jolt to stay awake for lecture). Neil was dressed in running gear and practically vibrating in place in line. He smiled when he caught sight of Andrew and waved him over.

Instead of heading out as he’d planned, Andrew found himself getting a table for the two of them. He made his disdain known that Neil drank his coffee plain and black, like a heathen, and shared his opinion about the quality of the pastries. They got into an argument about the merits of exercise and before he knew it Andrew completely forgot about his class. He didn’t mind that much, especially since he now knew how Neil’s face flushed when he was all worked up.

On Tuesday, he walked past the table Neil was using in the library. Andrew was not a fan of the library— everything was available on the internet and he was most comfortable studying or doing assignments in the comfort of his apartment (and he had the self-discipline to actually focus on his work even when he was at home)— but he didn’t have enough time to leave campus between his classes and the library was one of the few places he could peacefully sit in silence. He wondered if he’d ever passed Neil unknowingly before. He briefly debated with himself whether he should leave Neil be and get another table but he already knew he was fighting a losing battle.

He popped Neil on the back of the head, mostly to see his reaction. Neil jumped directly into fight-ready mode but relaxed and mock glared when he saw it was Andrew.

“I’ve got an essay due in two hours,” he said mournfully as he moved some of his mess to the side of the table to create room for Andrew to sit.

“Need any help?” asked Andrew, surprised at himself for offering.

“Nah, just no distractions. I’m mostly editing at this point.” He sounded apologetic.

Andrew nodded and pulled out his phone to open a mindless game to entertain himself with until his next class. The two of them performed their respective tasks in complete silence, broken only when Neil muttered to himself about some point or other in his essay. It felt comfortable and familiar and, most unexpectedly, not awkward in the slightest.

On Wednesday, it was his own fault. He took advantage of his class-free day to text Matt, who enthusiastically invited him over. During their sophomore year, he and Matt had discovered a joint love of comics and graphic novels; this had paid dividends for Andrew since Matt had more money than he knew what to do with and was willing to let Andrew borrow from his large library.

He was only planning on dropping by to get the comic but when he arrived he found that Neil was home, which had never happened before (there was a reason that the only thing he had known about Matt’s roommate was that he was a cryptid). Before he realized what was happening he was persuaded into a MarioKart tournament with the two of them. Neil was laughably bad at the game (apparently his mother hadn’t allowed him to play video games, so he never had until he’d moved in with Matt), twisting and distorting himself into weird shapes as he wildly moved his controller around. Andrew felt a little bad for attacking him with a red shell after he’d accidentally wedged himself in a corner, but not bad enough not to do it and then gloat about it.

He was surprised when Matt suggested ordering in Chinese for dinner, realizing he’d been there for over six hours. He reluctantly offered to leave but Neil wouldn’t let him, not without Neil winning Rainbow Road at least once. Andrew doubted he could, since his own eidetic memory meant that he knew exactly where all the curves were so he almost never fell off into the abyss. By the time he left it was nearing midnight and Neil was still winless and grumpy about it.

On Thursday, he only saw Neil briefly when he sat next to Andrew in one of his classes.

“I didn’t know you were in my Spanish class,” said Neil.

“I’m not,” said Andrew. “This is Abnormal Psych.”

“No, it’s not,” argued Neil. “I have Spanish here every Wednesday.”

“It’s Thursday,” Andrew pointed out. “You spent Wednesday trying and failing to be a better virtual go-kart driver than me.”

Neil’s eyes widened. “Fuck!” he hissed. “See you later,” he said sheepishly, jumping to his feet and darting out of the lecture theatre.

“I’m sure you will,” sighed Andrew, earning himself judgmental glances from the people around him for talking to himself.

On Friday (his birthday, which he habitually ignored) he managed to go the whole day without seeing Neil and he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. This wasn’t the first crush he’d ever had, but they usually dissipated as soon as he either hooked up with or spent any amount of time with the object of his fancy. He should have been bored of Neil after Wednesday like he was bored of Matt. He liked Matt, he enjoyed his company and considered them friends, but there were very few people that he didn’t need to take breaks from after spending extended periods of time with them. Kevin, obviously, was one since Andrew could stand living with him, and Renee was the other. He even needed space from Aaron if they were together too much.

So it was unexpected that Andrew still wanted to see Neil. It made him think that maybe Neil could keep his interest for longer than anyone else had managed. Maybe even past a single hookup.

Except, he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about that. He was supposed to be pretending that he and Kevin were dating, especially since he’d agreed (last Sunday when he was feeling stupidly guilty for blowing off his friends all the time) to drag Kevin along to his bi-weekly Friday night dinner with Nicky and Aaron. Not that bringing Kevin was strange: Kevin accompanied him whenever he had nothing better to do, perfectly happy to be fed. Nicky was a very limited cook who could manage plain pasta or sandwiches, but Erik was actually quite talented in the kitchen. The food was almost always worth the aggravation of Nicky’s exuberance.

He and Kevin were arguing over which Princess of Power had the best abilities— well, arguing was a strong word. Andrew had given his (correct) opinion (She-Ra, obviously. She was an eight foot tall goliath with a magic sword. Andrew had wished to be tall and strong and armed with a sword more than once in his life) and let Kevin talk himself hoarse with his (wrong) counter-points— when they arrived at Nicky’s. Andrew waved nonchalantly to Aaron as he passed the living room on the way to the kitchen, before stopping and backtracking. Along with Aaron and Katelyn, who were expected, Neil was sitting uncomfortably beside a woman whom Andrew vaguely recognized.

“Neil,” Andrew said, wondering if he’d started hallucinating. That _would_ explain how many times he’d run into Neil in the past week. He sent Aaron a panicked look; Aaron grimaced in return.

Neil’s face lit up, looking relieved when he caught sight of Andrew. The effect was ruined when Kevin followed Andrew into the room and Neil’s expression dimmed ever so slightly.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” said Kevin, addressing Neil. “But it’s good you’re here. Teleportation is _way_ better than sentient hair, right?”

Neil sighed. “Still?” he asked. “I thought we settled this during our run on Tuesday. My vote’s for She-Ra.”

Andrew pointed at him. “Smart,” he said.

“Right, but we have to rank the others from best to worst,” said Kevin.

“Do we really?” asked Neil. The woman beside him giggled and touched his arm. Andrew felt an overwhelming desire to remove her hands. From Neil, not from her body. Even he wasn’t that needlessly violent.

Neil jumped a little, like he’d forgotten her presence, before turning to her with a sheepish smile. “Kevin’s weirdly obsessed with She-Ra.”

“It’s a show about a group of magical lesbians, Neil,” said Kevin, taking a seat across from Neil and leaning forward over the coffee table, his eyes intense. “What’s not to like? Now, you two are placing far too much importance on height.”

“Spoken like someone who doesn’t have to drag a chair over every time he wants something that isn’t on the lowest shelf,” retorted Neil.

“Good point,” said Aaron.

“I live with a literal giant,” said Neil. “He puts things I use daily on the top shelf.” He turned to Andrew. “Does he do that to you, too?” he asked, jerking his thumb toward Kevin.

Andrew nodded emphatically.

“It’s not my fault that you stopped growing when you were twelve,” said Kevin.

“He keeps moving my marshmallows where I can’t reach them,” complained Andrew.

“It’s not like marshmallows are a commonly consumed food,” said Kevin in exasperation. This wasn’t a new fight.

“They are an everyday snack that is both nutritious and delicious,” countered Andrew.

Kevin opened his mouth to argue and then snapped it closed. Andrew was nonplussed until he remembered that Kevin had promised not to complain about his diet. He gave Kevin an expectant look and raised an eyebrow in challenge.

“You’re right,” said Kevin, sounding slightly strangled.

“He’s what now?” asked Neil, flabbergasted by Kevin’s agreement.

“I’ll move the marshmallows back when we get home,” Kevin went on, looking at Andrew earnestly. Andrew absolutely didn’t trust his expression. “You know I find your snacking habits adorable, sweetpea.”

Aaron immediately started choking to death as Andrew narrowed his eyes. Point to Kevin. Katelyn exclaimed in surprise at Aaron’s inability to breath and slapped him on the back, asking what was wrong.

“I’m okay,” said Aaron, red-faced, when he’d recovered enough to speak. “Just inhaled my spit. Don’t mind me.”

An awkward silence blanketed them.

“We were ranking the Princesses of Power?” ventured the woman beside Neil.

Kevin did a double take and peered at her suspiciously, as if wondering where she’d appeared from. Given how focussed he usually was on whatever he was thinking about, he probably hadn’t noticed her until just now. “Who are you?” he demanded.

“Polite, Kevin,” snorted Neil.

“I’m Marissa,” said the woman, and Andrew remembered where he recognized her from. She was one of Katelyn’s friends which was why he’d completely blanked her from his mind.

He had nothing against Katelyn— her appreciation of and devotion to Aaron meant that she was in his good books— but she had the unfortunate habit of trying to befriend everyone. That meant that she had a lot of friends, or people she was friendly with, that she was often surrounded by and kept introducing to Andrew whenever they ran into each other. Andrew barely paid attention to his _own_ friends, he wasn’t going to waste any energy remembering hers.

Kevin still looked baffled. “Why are you here?” he asked bluntly.

“Oh,” said Marissa, trilling a laugh and glancing at Neil in a way that made Andrew’s stomach twist unhappily, “Nicky invited me.”

“Obviously,” said Kevin. “But why?”

“Kevin, you’re being rude,” said Nicky, entering the room with drinks for Aaron and Katelyn and Marissa. “I thought it would be nice to invite more people; Erik’s making a veritable feast for the twins’ birthday and we’re going to need help eating it.” He beamed at Neil and Marissa. “I’m so glad you two could make it! Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink, Neil?”

“Not right now,” said Neil, looking uncomfortable. “I wasn’t aware that this was a family birthday celebration. I don’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense,” said Nicky dismissively. “Good friends are practically the same as family. Don’t let me interrupt you; get to know each other!” Turning, he sent a surreptitious thumbs up to Katelyn, indicating that the two of them had teamed up to set up Neil and Marissa. Andrew decided that he didn’t like Katelyn quite as much as he had previously.

“I didn’t hear you come in, Andrew,” said Nicky, noticing him hovering at the periphery of the room. “Erik’s waiting for you in the kitchen.”

Andrew took the offered out and made himself scarce. He enjoyed cooking so he usually lent a hand, especially since Erik never complained when he stole bites of whatever they were making.

He decided to stay out of the living room to avoid Nicky’s transparent attempts to convince Neil and Marissa to fall in love. He was annoyed with himself because he shouldn’t care. He wasn’t allowed to care; he had no claim on Neil, except potential friendship. Andrew didn’t consider himself a particularly jealous person, although he did have the tendency to be possessive over things he considered his, likely as a side-effect of a childhood when he’d had almost nothing to call his own. Still, Neil wasn’t a thing and he definitely wasn’t his.

Andrew was still brooding in the kitchen— alone, because he and Erik had finished all the preparations and were just waiting for everything to finish cooking— when Aaron came in.

“You’re so fucked,” said Aaron bluntly, heading to the fridge to grab a beer.

“Fuck you,” replied Andrew, without any heat to it.

“It’s like watching a soap opera,” said Aaron, twisting the cap off his bottle and coming to lean against the counter next to Andrew. “I’m enjoying it.”

“I knew you were lying when you said it wasn’t you filling up the TiVo with daytime television.”

Aaron ignored him. “You settled on hiding in the kitchen like a coward?”

“This isn’t cowardice,” argued Andrew. “It’s a tactical retreat.”

“What, you don’t want to see the guy you like on the most painful blind date ever? If it’s any consolation your boy looks miserable. It’s a trainwreck. Nicky and Katelyn are both watching them like hawks and Kevin keeps monopolizing Neil’s attention.”

Andrew’s lips tilted up in a half-smile. “Good old Kevin.”

“Are you sure _he’s_ not into Neil?”

“Nah,” said Andrew, before stopping to think about it. “God, I hope not. I’d have to drown myself or something else equally dramatic. But, no. Apparently they’ve known each other since they were kids and you know how proprietary and demanding Kevin gets around people who have proven they’re not going to drop him because of his obnoxious personality.”

Aaron hummed his agreement. They were silent for a couple minutes before Aaron knocked their shoulders together. “Hey. Happy Birthday.”

“Back at you.”

“Your present is electronic; the confirmation email should show up shortly.”

“I put yours in your coat pocket when I got here.”

The two of them lapsed back into silence.

Neil pushed through the kitchen door, stopping short when he saw them. “I’m here for a drink?” he said, sounding unsure.

“I should get back to Katelyn,” said Aaron, grabbing another beer from the fridge and leaving. Once he passed Neil he turned and made a kissy face at Andrew. Andrew refrained from retaliating since Neil was looking at him.

Instead, he checked the meagre non-alcoholic drink options. “I can offer you milk, ginger ale, or tap water.”

“Water,” said Neil.

Andrew shook his head in mock despair. “Still going for the most boring option, I see.”

“Ginger ale’s too sweet,” said Neil wrinkling his nose (Andrew pretended not to notice how cute that was, especially with Neil's smattering of freckles), “and I’m lactose intolerant, so…”

“Right,” said Andrew. “That would ruin your date.” He chastised himself for being so obvious. “How's that going?”

“Oh, awesome,” said Neil sarcastically. “I just love being ambushed with a blind date. It's _even better_ that we’re being watched by a bunch of my friends, including the guy I—” He shook his head. “Never mind.”

Andrew really wished he'd finished his thought, but it didn't seem that Neil was going to continue. He cast about for something to say that might keep Neil in the kitchen with him.

“Did you make it to class yesterday?” he asked.

Neil shook his head ruefully. “Not even a little. Did you learn anything interesting in Abnormal Psych?”

“Something interesting in class, you say?” said Andrew breezily. “Don't blaspheme.”

“Speaking of blasphemy,” said Neil, his eyes sparkling with mischief, “you'll never believe what Jean said about the _pain au chocolat_ at Brewed Awakening.”

“The only criticism I’ll accept is that it’s ‘too good’.”

“He said that it was okay. Just okay. Not baked by the Gods or heavenly, chocolatey goodness.”

“What a monster.”

“Yeah,” said Neil, catching Andrew’s eye. “He’s a real… _pain_.”

Andrew reluctantly snorted a laugh. “Weak,” he said.

Neil looked smugly proud of himself for his terrible pun. “Actually, I have a story for you—”

“...Neil?” said Nicky from the kitchen doorway, sounding completely perplexed. “Did you find something to drink?”

“Yeah,” said Neil, holding up his glass.

“O...kay…” said Nicky slowly. “Well, I’m got to start setting the table, why don’t you go tell everyone that we’ll eat in fifteen minutes?”

Neil hesitated, briefly flicking his eyes between Nicky and Andrew before agreeing and heading out of the kitchen. Andrew had half a thought to follow him to avoid whatever Nicky was going to say, but Nicky barred his way.

“Were you… laughing?” asked Nicky.

“Nicky—” sighed Andrew.

“You were flirting with him,” said Nicky, realization dawning.

“Look—”

“No,” said Nicky, his face turning stubborn. “I know _exactly_ what you’re were doing and I’m not going to let you.”

“I— What?”

“Every time! Every time you’re on the cusp of having a real, meaningful relationship you do this! It’s like you don’t think you deserve to be loved! Well, I have news for you: you do.”

Andrew was speechless. That was the angriest affirmation of his worth that he’d ever received.

“And you’re not being fair to Neil,” continued Nicky, heading to the cupboard and taking down a stack of plates, “by using him to sabotage your relationship. He’s my friend; I’m not going to sit by and watch you lead him on.”

“I’m not—”

“You’re with Kevin now. Leave Neil alone.”

“Maybe you should take your own advice,” said Andrew.

“What do you mean?” demanded Nicky, squinting in confusion.

“I mean that you should leave him alone. I know he told you he didn’t want to be set up, yet you sprung a date on him anyway. You didn’t even give him any warning.”

“Why do you care? You’re _dating Kevin_.”

“If you would just listen—”

“No,” said Nicky sharply, banging the plates down on the counter for emphasis. “You can’t treat Kevin like one of your usual conquests; when you blow him off you’re still going to be _living together_.”

Andrew didn’t reply.

“Seriously, Andrew,” said Nicky. “You’re going to hurt _both_ Kevin and Neil if you keep this up.” He shook his head. “You’re my cousin and I love you, but you make it so hard sometimes.”

With that he swept up the plates and carried them out of the kitchen, leaving Andrew all alone, angry, irritated, and mildly ashamed.


	4. Chapter 4

With Nicky’s words echoing in his head, Andrew went out of his way not to interact with Neil for the rest of Friday evening and rebuffed any overtures at conversation. Neil sent him a couple confused glances but didn’t force the issue.

The problem was that Nicky, while in the dark about the particulars of the situation, was correct that it was unfair to Neil to flirt with him when Andrew had no intention of following through. It was also unfair to himself to act like he could have the hot guy he was interested in. Maybe they could one day be friends but first Andrew needed some space to get over his crush.

He spent the next week making sure he didn’t run into Neil by accident. Twice he saw him when traversing campus and both times he changed his route to avoid him. Once Neil approached him and he immediately make a weak excuse to leave. Neil’s expression went completely blank as soon as Andrew blew him off before he smiled sadly, nodded once, and left Andrew alone. Andrew felt disgusted with himself and annoyed by how much he wanted to run after Neil and wipe that look off his face.

It wasn’t that he _missed_ Neil, as he’d only known of his existence for a couple weeks that would be ridiculous. It was that the crush had been new and exciting and had made him feel good about himself. It had been a while since he’d wanted anyone and he’d enjoyed flirting and spending time with Neil. He’d been constantly looking forward to their next interaction and had been more engaged with the outside world.

All in all he had a very grey week, only leaving his apartment when he absolutely had to. On Wednesday Kevin announced that their double date with Jean and Jeremy was taking place that Saturday, knowing that Andrew needed a couple days to prepare himself for a social outing. His melancholy meant that he didn’t greet this development with any enthusiasm. Not that he’d ever be enthusiastic about having to pretend to be Kevin’s boyfriend on a date with his ex and his ex’s new boyfriend. He’d liked Jean enough when he and Kevin had been dating; he’d seemed like a rational human being, curbing a lot of Kevin’s worst ideas. Andrew thought that he’d be smart enough to know that a double date was an awful idea. Obviously Jeremy Knox’s dog-like affability had rotted Jean’s common sense. Perhaps optimism was sexually transmitted.

As an unexpected positive, Kevin was in such a state of anxiety about the date that Andrew had no time for dwelling on his own problems. He was proud that Kevin was managing the stress without turning to vodka, which had long been his crutch for dealing with anything upsetting. Instead, he was channelling his anxiety into healthier coping mechanisms, such as exercise and stress baking. Andrew was very fond of the latter.

“Where are we going on this terrible idea, anyway?” asked Andrew through a mouthful of carrot-raisin muffin. He was sitting cross-legged on the kitchen table, watching Kevin bustle around the kitchen.

“It’s not a terrible idea,” argued Kevin. Although he’d previously admitted that it was a bad idea, he’d since changed his mind and was now stubbornly insisting that this would be a good way to help him move on, as opposed to a disaster-in-waiting. “And why are you sitting on the table? There are perfectly good chairs.”

“I’m gay; I can’t sit in a chair properly.”

“That’s not even remotely true.”

“Have you ever met a gay person who was capable of sitting normally? No? I didn’t think so.”

“I’ve also never met a gay person who could drive…”

“You take that slander back,” said Andrew. “I’m an excellent driver. As I will prove as soon as I get a car.”

“Your general lack of concern or interest in the lives and well-being of others— particularly pedestrians— leads me to believe that you are telling a bald-faced lie.”

“I’ve never lied in my life.”

Kevin stared at him. “Riiiiiight,” he said. “So, you were asking where we’re going for our date, _boyfriend_?”

“I can’t believe we’re going through with this,” said Andrew. “Even for us, with your bullheaded arrogance and my apathy, this seems like something one of us should have put a stop to.”

“You can’t back out now!” said Kevin, turning shrill. “Showing up _without_ my fake boyfriend is even worse than having a fake boyfriend in the first place!”

“Is it, though?”

Kevin slumped into one of the kitchen chairs. “How did this happen? I used to be such a rational, put together person.”

“Were you, though?”

“It’s Jean’s fault,” continued Kevin, shooting Andrew a dirty look. “He makes me so crazy.”

“Hey, take responsibility for your own crazy; that shit is on no one but you. You’re the only one who controls your actions.”

“It’s just… I’m still in love with him.”

“This is news to no one.”

“And I thought that if I fixed what was wrong with me— the excessive drinking and all the problems that came with it— that he’d come back to me.”

“You didn’t need to be fixed, Kevin.”

“I worked _so hard_ , and it wasn’t all for him— it was for me, too. And I’m proud of what I’ve done, and I’ll admit that I’m healthier now. But I guess I expected there to be some reward?” Kevin’s voice had gotten very small. “I just— I thought that me and him were endgame, you know?”

“You guys were good together,” admitted Andrew. “But things don’t always work out, even if you really want them to. I know it doesn’t help but it will stop hurting eventually and you’ll be able to move on.”

“I want it to stop hurting now. And I want Jean to love me again,” said Kevin petulantly.

“He has a new boyfriend who is so disgustingly cheerful that he is literally the human embodiment of the sun.”

“Why does _he_ get a picture-perfect boyfriend, anyway? I sure as hell deserve someone as great as Jeremy Knox. I’m awesome.”

“Eh,” said Andrew. “You’re alright.”

“You’re the worst fake boyfriend ever,” complained Kevin.

“Ouch,” said Andrew, mock offended. “You wound me.”

“I mean, you’ve never actually tried to be a boyfriend before, but I think you’d do an okay job if you did,” said Kevin. “Anyone— not me, of course, you’re basically my brother, ew, but maybe a short someone with reddish hair?— would be lucky to have you.” Which meant that despite his self-centeredness he’d noticed Andrew’s stupid crush and trying to support him in his stunted Kevin way.

Andrew glossed over the unsubtle allusion to Neil. “The World’s Okayest Boyfriend,” he said. “What a kind title you’ve bestowed upon me.”

Kevin patted Andrew’s knee. “It’s okay to be scared,” he said. “Opening yourself up to someone gives them a way to hurt you, I know. But it’s worth it. I’m scared about ninety-eight percent of the time and it hasn’t killed me yet.”

“I’m not scared,” said Andrew mulishly. “Anyway, you never told me where we’re going on this date.”

Kevin let Andrew get away with his evasion. “Mini-golf.”

“Oh, so you can get all over-competitive and start a fight with an eight-year-old again? Sounds like a great idea.”

“That happened _once_! And she was _clearly_ cheating! _You can’t kick the ball in the hole_!”

“Honestly, whose idea was this?”

“Jean’s.”

“He really should know better,” mused Andrew.

“It is going to _be great_ ,” said Kevin forcefully. “Because I said so and I will _make it so_.”

“Well, there’s no way this could backfire,” said Andrew dryly. “I’m already having fun.”

* * *

The double date started out exactly as excruciating as Andrew had expected, with only Jeremy seemingly oblivious to the thick tension. Andrew didn’t know if he was dumb or just excellent at ignoring social awkwardness. Either way, he couldn’t really see why both Jean and Kevin were goofy over the guy. Give him snarky over sunny any day of the week.

He could tell that Kevin was trying to be on his best behaviour, although his competitive spirit (which had previously caused him to be banned by their friends from playing most board games: Andrew had once seen Dan Wilds, a woman who seemingly didn’t have tear ducts and presumably ate misogynistic dudebros for breakfast, actually cry in frustration during a game of Monopoly against Kevin) kept showing up since he couldn't keep it completely reigned in. It didn’t end up being a problem: Jeremy met him head to head in friendly rivalry and the two of them started trying to one-up each other. Andrew couldn’t quite believe that Kevin— Kevin _Day_ — was laughing good-naturedly despite not being the best at something. He kept waiting for Kevin to start getting angry, but he never did. He even tried kicking the ball into the hole and all that happened was that Kevin rolled his eyes at him.

He noticed Jean observing Kevin and Jeremy interact with something like wistfulness on his face. It was surprising; he’d been expecting jealousy or annoyance, but Jean seemed mostly sad that his current boyfriend and his ex were getting along like a house on fire.

Jean caught Andrew watching him watching the others and he looked away. When he turned back his face was determined.

“I always did suspect that you secretly wanted Kevin,” he said.

Andrew kept his face placid and managed to stop himself from doing a spit-take or scoffing loudly. He was going to deserve an Oscar at the end of this. An Emmy at the very least. “Did you,” he said blandly.

“I never imagined that it could possibly be reciprocated,” continued Jean. “I did not think the two of you were very romantically compatible.”

“It’s really none of your business.”

“Of course it is my business!” said Jean in annoyance. “Kevin is my—” he cut himself off.

“Kevin isn’t your anything anymore,” said Andrew. “That’s what happens when you break up with someone.”

“He wasn’t… he wasn’t supposed to move on.”

Andrew did scoff this time. “Your ego is remarkable and that’s coming from someone who lives with Kevin.”

Jean sighed. “I did not mean that the way it sounded. I thought I’d have time to fix things.”

“What, you want to string him along while you’re in a relationship with someone else? Have him waiting in the wings in case it doesn’t work out?”

“I don’t have to justify myself to you.”

“Whatever else I am, I am Kevin’s best friend. You’re _always_ going to have me to answer to if you think you can take advantage of him.”

“That’s not what’s happening, you ignorant—” Jean stopped himself short again and took a deep breath. “I may have broken up with him because I fell in love with someone else—” which was news to Andrew; he wondered if Kevin knew “—but that doesn’t mean I fell out of love with him. I may have handled things badly, but all I want is for him to be happy.”

“If you want Kevin to be happy,” said Andrew with a pointed look, “stay the hell away from him and let him get over you.” He stalked off to join Jeremy and Kevin. Maybe he could annoy Kevin into throwing a tantrum so they could go home and pretend this never happened.

* * *

After minigolf, Andrew was more than ready to go home; however, Jeremy cheerfully invited him and Kevin over for dinner and he could see that Kevin wanted to go. He sighed and resigned himself for whining when Kevin pulled him aside.

“You want to go with them,” he said preemptively.

“I do,” admitted Kevin. “But you should go home. I know this was more socialization that your introverted self can easily handle for one day.”

“I’m not going to abandon you,” protested Andrew.

“You’re not abandoning me,” said Kevin. “You came here for me, which I really appreciate, but now I’m telling you that you can go home.”

“You can come with me; you don’t owe them anything.”

“I know. This feels like something I have to do. For closure, you know?”

Andrew hesitated. He didn’t want to leave Kevin if he was in distress, but he didn’t seem to be lying. In fact, he was remarkably calm. And going home for some alone time sounded really nice right about now. “If you’re sure…” he said.

“I’m sure. Trust me, I’ll be fine.”

“Call me if you need me,” Andrew bargained. “Even if it’s late. I’ll complain about it for the next decade, but I’ll be there if you need me to be.”

“You always are,” said Kevin.

Andrew reluctantly left without Kevin, but he knew he’d made the right decision as soon as he entered his apartment. His shoulders loosened instantly, as if he’d suddenly dropped a weight that he hadn’t known he was carrying. He changed into soft clothing, cooked a packet of microwave popcorn and covered it in caramel sauce, and made a nest for himself on the couch. He was in the mood for comfort television, so he turned on Netflix and queued up _Clone Wars_.

A couple hours later, he was half dozing when there was a knock on the door. He considered not answering it but Kevin could have forgotten his keys. Or had forgotten he _had_ keys, which had previously occurred when he was in the midst of an anxiety attack.

It was not Kevin.

“What are you doing here?” Andrew asked Neil, and then hid a wince at his accusatory tone.

“I was supposed to meet Kevin at the gym, but he never showed and he’s not answering his phone. I assume he must be dead. Is he dead? I expect you'd be more distraught about his demise.”

“He’s out with Jean and Jeremy.”

Neil hesitated. “...You’re okay with that?”

“Kevin can do what he likes,” said Andrew.

“Right. None of my business,” said Neil, nodding. “Sorry to bother you. I know you don’t want to see me.” He turned to leave.

Andrew could have let him; it would have been simpler. But he had a sneaking suspicion that if he let Neil walk away, that was it. That from then on they’d be distant acquaintances who nodded at each other when they met and only came into contact because they had friends in common. And Kevin had been right, earlier: Andrew was scared. He was scared of making himself open and vulnerable and letting in someone who had the potential to hurt him. But he also knew that if he let Neil leave without saying anything he would regret it and he didn’t believe in having regrets.

“Wait, Neil,” he said. “That’s not— I don’t— You can’t—” He sighed deeply at his inability to be articulate when he was nervous. “Do you want to come in?”

“Why?” asked Neil. “You’ve been avoiding me all week. Which is your prerogative. I’m sorry that I made you uncomfortable at Nicky’s.”

“You didn’t do anything, it’s not—”

“You, it’s me?” finished Neil sardonically. “I’ve given that excuse enough to know it’s bullshit.” He paused. “Well, I guess sometimes it _is_ me. In that I don’t like them.”

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

Neil looked down at his feet for a few moments, visibly weighing his options. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll come in.”

Andrew wasn’t sure what he was planning to say but he knew that he had to make it clear that Neil hadn’t done anything wrong. That his recent avoidance was all about his own issues and nothing to do with Neil. It was annoying that he still couldn’t disclose that he and Kevin weren’t really dating (that probably would have made whatever explanation he came up with sound more plausible) but Kevin had made him promise that he wouldn't tell anybody and he wasn’t about to break a promise.

He opened his mouth to say… something, he hadn’t quite decided yet, when Neil spoke first.

“Oh, is that _Clone Wars_?” he asked, catching sight of the paused show on the television. Andrew braced himself for mockery or questions about why he was spending Saturday night alone watching a cartoon aimed at children. “I love it; it’s one of my go-to shows when I’m lonely. What season?” He smiled happily at Andrew.

Andrew stared at him, because why did he have to keep sharing Andrew’s interests and proving how compatible the two of them were? Why couldn’t he make fun of Andrew’s idea of comfort television or act like an judgmental dickwad and allow Andrew’s attraction to dim?

Neil’s grin faded and his expression turned sheepish. “Sorry,” he shrugged. “I’m weird about _Star Wars_ , I know. I’ve been obsessed with it since I was a kid over-identifying with Luke Skywalker.”

“Me, too,” said Andrew, wondering how Neil could possibly be real.

“Really? I thought you’d be more of a Han Solo type guy.”

“Not the orphan kid who got to have space magic and find his long-lost twin?”

“Huh,” said Neil. “Well, when you put it that way... My self-projection onto Luke has more to do with the fact that his father was the literal embodiment of evil in the galaxy.”

Andrew couldn’t think of an appropriate response.

“Anyway,” Neil continued, steeling himself and taking a deep breath before he began speaking very quickly, his words sounding rehearsed, “I want to say was that you don’t have to avoid me anymore. I know I was flirting with you last week, which was shitty thing to do since I was on a date with someone else and you’re with Kevin. I would never intentionally overstep your boundaries and I regret that I did so accidentally. I hope you can forgive me, because I think we can be friends—”

Andrew couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t handle Neil apologizing to him for something he had actively participated in and encouraged. He caught Neil by the collar of his hoodie. “Shut up,” he said savagely, and kissed him. Or tried to. Their noses bumped and their teeth clacked together. Andrew pulled back slightly before repositioning his head and trying again with slightly less desperation.

Neil made a muffled noise of surprise before he melted into the kiss and returned it with just as much intensity. Andrew’s chest felt light; he stepped farther into Neil’s space to deepen the kiss but Neil pulled away.

“No,” he said. “Stop.”

Andrew immediately let him go and took several steps back, raising his hands in front of him. His elation of a moment earlier disappeared, replaced by creeping dread. He hadn’t _asked_.

“I can’t,” said Neil, panting hard and looking everywhere but at Andrew. “I can’t do this with— you’re with _Kevin_.”

“Neil,” said Andrew cautiously, knowing that it was past time to come clean.

“No,” said Neil, backing away. “I don’t— I won’t— You— This isn’t right.” He turned and flung the door open.

“Neil, wait,” said Andrew. “I can explain.”

“Cheaters always can,” said Neil sardonically, shaking his head. “I don’t want to hear your excuses. You can go back to avoiding me now.”

“Neil,” said Andrew weakly as Neil left, closing the door behind him forcefully. He closed his eyes tightly, berating himself and wondering if he had irrevocably fucked everything up.


	5. Chapter 5

Kevin was awake and whistling happily when Andrew dragged himself out of bed the next morning. He hadn’t heard Kevin come in the previous night and wondered if he’d stayed out.

Andrew was feeling like absolute shit. Kevin took one glance at his face and pulled out the mixing bowl to start making Sad Breakfast™. Andrew draped himself across the table as Kevin cooked, still humming. He was a little alarmed at Kevin’s good mood.

Kevin pushed a mug of coffee across the table to him, fixed with the exact amount of cream and sugar that he liked, then placed a plate of sugar and fat down in front of him. Andrew looked at the pile of pancakes, drenched in syrup and topped with whipped cream and colourful sprinkles that Kevin had unearthed from somewhere in the dark recesses of their cupboards. He reflected that sometimes Kevin could be a good friend.

They ate in silence (Kevin’s pancakes did not have any syrup or whipped cream, instead they were covered with sliced up fruit).

“I kissed Jean last night,” said Kevin once Andrew was almost finished eating.

Andrew choked a little on his food and looked up at Kevin. He kept his face as neutral as possible, although he was sure more than a little judgment shone through. “Are you sure that was a good idea?”

Kevin nodded once. “Yeah.”

“He’s seeing Jeremy,” Andrew pointed out.

“I know,” said Kevin. “Jeremy was there. I kissed him, too.”

That wasn’t what Andrew had been expecting. He waited for Kevin to expand.

“They asked me to date them. Both of them.”

“Are you going to?”

“I think so,” said Kevin, with a tiny, private smile. “I’m still annoyed at Jean for how he handled this whole thing— why didn’t he just tell me that he was developing feelings for Jeremy? We could have worked it out.”

Andrew cleared his throat. “Maybe he was worried about you being jealous?” he said carefully. Kevin had always been a jealous creature. Andrew was a little skeptical about how well he would do in a polyamorous relationship. Although he could see how Jean, Jeremy, and Kevin could potentially work together. Jeremy would keep the other two from taking themselves too seriously. He was probably exactly what they both needed. The more Andrew considered it, the more he warmed to the idea. And if it crashed and burned, he’d be there to pick Kevin up off the floor like he always was.

“That’s what he said,” admitted Kevin. “I know it’ll be difficult, but I think this can be good. As long as we’re communicating better than we have been lately, we’ll make it work.” He looked at Andrew earnestly. “I want it to work.”

“Okay.”

“Do you agree?” He seemed to be waiting for Andrew’s approval.

“You don’t need my permission,” said Andrew. “We’re not actually dating, remember?”

“I know,” said Kevin. “But I trust you to tell me when I’m doing something really stupid.”

Andrew shrugged. “If this is what you want then you should go for it.” Upon reflection, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t realized that this was what Jean was after. He hadn’t been subtle. Obviously, Andrew’s own drama had blinded him.

Kevin looked relieved. “Good. Okay. Thank you.” He took a deep breath. “Now you absolutely have tell Neil you’re single so you’ll stop being so miserable.”

Andrew face planted back onto the table. “I kissed him.”

“Apparently yesterday was a good day for kissing. Go us for kissing the guys we like,” said Kevin happily. He offered Andrew a fist bump. Andrew glared at him balefully. “I’m guessing it didn’t go particularly well?” asked Kevin.

“He thinks I’m dating you. And I kissed him without asking.” Andrew was still berating himself for the latter; he always asked for explicit consent.

“Well, I mean, I already told Jean that I’m _not_ dating you,” said Kevin. “So you can go ahead and tell Neil. And even if I hadn’t told Jean, you know I would want you to tell him, right?”

“Yeah, thanks,” said Andrew, giving him a dirty look. “It might be a little too late for that.”

“It might not,” replied Kevin. “You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

“He said he didn’t want to see me again.”

“If you explain, I’m sure everything will work out perfectly.”

“Christ, _is_ optimism sexually transmitted?” muttered Andrew.

Kevin blushed. “Cheer up. Today is sunny and gorgeous and you’re going to smooth things over with Neil.”

“Ugh, this cheerful, happy version of you is the worst,” complained Andrew.

“I love you, too. You’re my best friend.”

“ _Stoooop iiiiit_ ,” Andrew whined.

* * *

Andrew cancelled his Sunday brunch with Aaron, texting him that he couldn’t make it.

_Boo, you whore_ , Aaron texted back. Then, _everything ok?_

_fucked things up with neil, gotta fix it_ , wrote Andrew, feeling slightly nauseated.

Aaron immediately responded, _go get him_ followed by a tiger emoji. Andrew rolled his eyes and pocketed his phone.

Instead of heading out to immediately find Neil and explain himself, Andrew found himself at Nicky’s. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that everything that had gone wrong recently was completely Nicky’s fault. If he hadn’t persisted in trying to set Andrew up with people after Andrew had explicitly told him not to, then this situation with Neil would never have happened.

Nicky was clearly confused and taken aback when he answered the door to find Andrew standing on his porch. It wasn’t surprising: they hadn’t actually spoken since their argument on Andrew’s birthday and Andrew wasn’t the type to drop by for a visit, either announced or unannounced.

“Andrew?” said Nicky, pulling open the door. “Is everything alright? Is it Aaron?” Nicky immediately went into damage control mode.

“I’m not dating Kevin,” said Andrew, getting straight to his reason for being there.

Confusion flitted across Nicky’s face, before it was followed by resignation and irritation.

“I was never dating Kevin,” continued Andrew before Nicky could say anything. “I lied to you so you wouldn’t set me up with anybody.”

Nicky’s brow furrowed. “You…?”

“Lied to you.”

“I knew something was fishy,” sighed Nicky. “I can’t believe you lied to me. You shouldn’t have.”

“I agree,” said Andrew, to Nicky’s obvious surprise. “I shouldn’t have had to. You should have listened to me and when I told you I didn’t want to be set up with anyone.”

Nicky shook his head, “Not this again… I set you up with people because I _care_ about you.”

“Show you care about me by respecting me and listening when I tell you what I want.”

“I don’t want you to be alone,” Nicky practically whined.

“Just because you don’t want to be alone doesn’t mean I don’t,” said Andrew. “You don’t get to choose how I live my life. I don’t care if you think I’m doing it wrong, it’s _my_ life. My choice. Stop trying to take it away from me.”

Nicky was stricken. “That’s… I’m not…”

“Then listen to what I say and stop trying to force me into whatever mold you think I should fit in.”

“I… okay,” said Nicky in a small voice. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Andrew nodded his acceptance.

“I was only trying to help, but I should have listened to what you were telling me,” said Nicky. “I just thought that you and Neil would hit it off.” He paused. “You _did_ hit it off,” he said in realization. “You were flirting with him. And you’re not dating Kevin! Are you going to do something about it?”

Andrew gave him a flat look. Nicky raised his hands in surrender. “Not that you have to; it’s obviously up to you.” He looked positively gleeful. “I just want to say, as someone who wants nothing but your happiness, that you should _definitely_ go for it. He made you _laugh_. Go cling to that man and never let him go.” There was a beat. “But it’s completely your decision.” He gave Andrew a look filled with a mixture of excitement and anticipation.

Andrew sighed internally. If he did manage to work things out with Neil, Nicky was going to be insufferable.

* * *

Andrew blinked once when Matt answered his and Neil’s apartment door, everything he’d been planning to say flying out of his head.

“Hey, Andrew!” said Matt brightly.

“Uh,” replied Andrew.

“Are you here to see Neil? He’s been all moody since he got back from your place last night. I hope you two can work things out.”

Andrew narrowed his eyes. “Neil told you what happened.”

“More or less. He’s always at least a little cryptic out of habit.”

“Aren’t you angry with me?”

“No, why would I be?” said Matt. “I’m sure you have a good explanation; I know you’re a good guy.”

Andrew was completely thrown for a loop. “Shouldn’t you be threatening me right now?” he asked. “If I hurt him, you’ll hurt me…?”

“What, like a shovel talk?” said Matt, chortling. “That’s ridiculous. First of all, shovel talks are just insulting to everyone involved. And second of all, if I give one to you, I’d have to give one to him, too.”

“Why?”

Matt shook his head and sighed, as if Andrew was missing something very obvious. “Because you’re my friend,” he said in an exaggeratedly patient tone.

“Oh. I thought you’d want to.” Everything about Matt’s reaction seemed upside down and wrong.

“Do you… do you _want_ me to give you a shovel talk?”

“I think it would make me feel better,” admitted Andrew.

“If you say so,” said Matt with a shrug. He squared his shoulders. “Hey there, buddy. Listen up. You’d better be nice to my friend Andrew. If not, I’ll frown disapprovingly at you.”

“Um,” said Andrew, nonplussed.

Matt grinned. “I just want you to be happy; you deserve it. You’re doing your best. Be kind to yourself.”

“Okay…” said Andrew slowly, wondering how Neil put up with this unrelenting positivity on a regular basis. “Is Neil here?”

“Nah,” said Matt. “He’s brooding, so he’s probably staring manfully into the distance. I think he’s in the park; that’s where he usually goes when he’s in this type of mood.”

Matt offered that Andrew wait for Neil to return, but Andrew was feeling antsy, wanting to get this conversation over with. He followed Matt’s directions to a fairly large park a couple blocks from his apartment. Andrew, being someone who did not like spending any time outdoors, had never been there but he knew Kevin liked the running trails.

He found Neil at the far end of the park, skipping stones across the surface of a small pond and gazing out at the horizon. Or what would be the horizon if there weren’t drab apartment buildings blocking the view.

“Wow,” he drawled. “Matt was not exaggerating. This is very dramatic.”

Neil didn’t react or look at him, but Andrew could see his lips quirk slightly. “I’m annoyed that it’s sunny,” he said mournfully. “This would be better if it was drizzling.”

“Then you’d be wet,” Andrew pointed out. He nodded to the stone in Neil’s hand. “How many times can you skip that?”

Neil tossed it and it splashed into the water.

“Once,” Andrew deadpanned. “Very impressive.”

Neil turned to him. “I can’t do it if you’re watching me,” he said.

Andrew raised an eyebrow and gestured to a nearby bench. “I’ll just wait over here until you’re done.”

Andrew took a seat on the bench and turned away to pretend he wasn’t still watching Neil. Neil ignored him at first, before shaking his head and coming over, sitting beside him.

“What do you want? You ruined my brooding.”

“Sorry,” said Andrew, unapologetic. He caught Neil’s eye. “I _am_ sorry about kissing you without asking permission.”

Neil’s half-smile was self-deprecating. “It’s not like I didn’t want to.”

“I’m not dating Kevin.”

“I was wondering why he texted me to ask me to listen to what you have to say. You told him what happened?” Neil was a mixture of surprised and chagrined.

“Well, yes, but it’s not like he cared other than to cheer me on for kissing the guy I like. I wasn’t ever dating him.”

Several expressions flitted over Neil’s face. “You’re going to have to explain that one to me.”

“It’s very embarrassing,” said Andrew, face palming. “I told Nicky I was dating Kevin to stop him from setting me up with anyone. Then Kevin told Jean and everything kind of escalated.”

Neil’s jaw worked. “So you lied to me,” he said.

“I’m—”

“You _did_ know a way to get Nicky to stop setting me up.”

Andrew choked back his apology. He opened his mouth and then closed it, at a loss.

Neil side-eyed him. “I guess this means you’re single?” he asked, his tone giving nothing away.

“I don’t know,” said Andrew. “I met this guy at a party and I was hoping he might agree to go out with me.”

“Is that so? Lucky guy.” Apparently he wasn’t going to make this easy for Andrew.

“Neil.”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you want to go out sometime?”

“Sure,” said Neil nonchalantly. “That’s a good idea. We can fake date each other to get Nicky off both our backs.”

Andrew froze. “That’s not—” he stuttered, before he caught the sparkle in Neil’s eye. “Oh, you asshole.”

“I was very upfront about that aspect of my personality,” said Neil. “You seem to like me anyway.”

“I hate you.”

“Do you?” asked Neil, knocking their shoulders together. “Do you really?” God, he was such an argumentative, dramatic asshole. Andrew was pretty sure they were soulmates.

“I do,” said Andrew, nodding, but he nudged Neil back. “I want to kiss you. Yes or no?”

“Yes,” said Neil, leaning in.

It was, objectively, a much better kiss than the night before.

“You know,” said Neil, sitting back, “Kevin’s my friend. Should I really be dating his ex? Isn’t that against the Bro Code?”

Andrew twisted his hand in the front of Neil’s hoodie and gave it a tug. “I was never dating Kevin.”

“Then are you pining for him? If fiction has taught me anything it’s that fake dating means you’re secretly in love with him.”

“I am not pining for Kevin,” scoffed Andrew.

“Are you sure? He’s so tall and handsome and—”

“Now it kind of sounds like _you’re_ pining for Kevin.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “He’s not the one I’m pining for.”

“You’re pining, are you?”

“Yup, but sadly the guy I like is tragically smitten with Kevin Day.”

“What poor taste he has.” Andrew studied Neil for a beat. “You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?”

“Not anytime soon,” said Neil easily. “You made me be jealous of Kevin.” He gave Andrew a serious, pointed look. “Of _Kevin_.”

“You have no reason to be jealous.”

Neil grinned. “Prove it.”

Andrew pulled him against him and did just that.

**Author's Note:**

> I can be found on tumblr [@gluupor](http://gluupor.tumblr.com)


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